THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING…
I love to sing. It’s one thing that helps me escape, catch other people’s attention and express my emotions. I joined a few singing contests back then and I won some and lost some. Actually, I wasn’t comfortable competing using my voice. Maybe because it’s at some point scary to think people would watch you and criticize you or the thought I could possibly make an error that I will remember for the rest of my life. IDK!
My dad is my number one supporter. He’s actually the one pushing me to join contests as much as I can so that I can help him and he can return back home. I wish but I can’t. I know God gave me this voice for something and using it for competitions is unfortunately not meant. I kept singing and searching for reasons and the purpose of my voice. It’s hard to find the answer.
The discovery of something new…
I grew up studying at La Salle College Antipolo and it’s a Catholic school in the Philippines. Part of studying there includes religious activities connecting their students to God through CL subjects, retreats, recollections and masses. Masses. The first time I became active is when I was just 12 years old. Our thanks giving mass “graduation kuno” is the first time I did the Responsorial psalm. It was somehow good and since then I started to join choirs though I’m not officially a part of a specific group. I just sing with them on the spot. At school, I do sometimes participate as a choir and I sing psalms too. At some point they said the other students will be the choir and we can’t join and I wish I was singing too; but it’s okay.
That didn’t stopped my choir story hence just the beginning. I sang once again the responsorial psalm during our baccalaureate mass and it was the nicest feeling. I sang for the first time inside our cathedral. It was an honor and I’m grateful as a student to be chosen to sing for the Lord in an important day or event for me and my batchmates lives.
The thing about singing…
Singing psalms during masses especially if it’s your first time shouldn’t be scary for you. I can’t remember being nervous the first time I sang. Well maybe I was but it’s because of excitement. LOL.
I went through storms…
Searching for meaning and answers on what is the purpose of my voice went tough. Looking for little clues wasn’t easy either. It requires a lot of time. Mine took more than a year to know the answer. My mom said after I sang the psalm that I should listen to the video my dad took while I was singing. It sounded pleasant and it made me want to continue singing psalms and joining choir. It really did.
Jesus in the form of my friend… The Call.
My “kinakapatid” invited me to join the choir since late 2016. I was back then doubting myself even if I badly wanted to say a big YES. There’s something bugging me that “oh I’m shy to the other members.” “what if I’m not good” ” what if I failed?” “I can’t do it I’m busy with other things” sadly, I rejected the invitation of my friend to join. I’m a girl who sins… a lot. I felt like I don’t deserve the offer.
That didn’t ended. She kept inviting me.
“Sumama ka na kasi. Masaya yun.”
“Bakit ka mahihiya? Para kay Lord naman yung gagawin mo.”
“Mag s-serve ka kay Lord.”
Those sentences are some of the many invitations she said. After not just once, twice, thrice rejection. The unexpected day came.
I was talking to her on the phone early in the morning and she brought up the invitation once again to join. I didn’t think. I didn’t weigh things and thought of what if’s I just said YES. Of course I can’t take it back anymore and I was quite happy the time I said I will. I told myself “Gagawin mo to para kay Lord. Wag mo isipin sasabihin ng iba sayo basta pumunta ka nalang.”
I found the purpose of my voice.
God gave it to me because I’m going to sing for him; and only him.
I know I’m a girl who sins. I commit mistakes but through serving the Lord which I’ve wanted to do so bad I can learn and I’m sure he will guide me. I’m glad I chose him.